i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
