So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
