is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
