ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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