And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
