I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
