So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize