i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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