Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize