Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
