You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
