I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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