She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
