Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
