I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
