bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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