Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
