I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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