there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
