East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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