im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
