Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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