My balls are so social today.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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