K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
