So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize