Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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