I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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