I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
