Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
