can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
