when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
