Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
