he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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