i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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