News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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