And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it glows. i had to have it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
