today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
