just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
