I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
