Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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