why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
