Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can't put those talents on a resume
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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