Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
