i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
