i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
