we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
