I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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