We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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