I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
