I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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