Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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