I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
