As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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