Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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