Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
