stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
