your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
