Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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