Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
